THE WISDOM OF CALM
We can sometimes think of the human mind as a sea: at times its surface is calm, reflecting the sky just as it is; at other times, even the slightest breeze is enough to set it rippling. When we are angry, deeply joyful, or overwhelmed by sadness, our minds can become just as turbulent. And it is often precisely in these moments that we make our decisions. Yet for us to think clearly, the mind first needs a chance to settle. Wisdom does not reveal itself when the waves are at their highest, but when the sea becomes still.
In an earlier essay, I compared a word spoken in anger to an arrow. Once it has left the bow, there is no way to bring it back. A harsh sentence we utter while convinced that we are right can weigh heavily on us just a few hours later. Anger often gives voice not to the whole truth, but to the hurt and pain we are experiencing in that particular moment. That is why remaining silent when we are angry is not the sign of weakness it is sometimes thought to be. Sometimes the wisest response is no response at all.
Excessive joy can mislead us too. When we are happy, we tend to become more generous, more optimistic, and more courageous. There is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes we can lose our sense of proportion. Carried away by the excitement of the moment, we make promises, take on more than we can handle, and make grand plans for the future. Then the excitement fades, and the true weight of those promises becomes clear. Sometimes the promises we make when we are happiest are the very ones we find hardest to keep.
Sadness affects us in a different way. When our hearts feel heavy, our world seems to shrink as well. Looking toward the future, we may begin to see nothing but the shadow of what we have lost. Some decisions made in such moments may reflect not what we truly want, but simply our desire to escape the pain we are feeling. For this reason, it is often wiser not to make major decisions when we are at our emotional lowest.
Emotions have a lifespan. Anger rises and, in time, subsides. Joy settles. Sadness, no matter how permanent it may seem, eventually begins to ease. But the words we speak and the decisions we make under the influence of those emotions remain after the feelings themselves have passed. We cannot take back a message once it has been sent. We cannot simply erase a promise we have made. The consequences of a decision we have signed off on may continue to affect our lives long after we have forgotten how we felt when we made it.
That is why the real issue is not suppressing our emotions, but giving them some time. Sometimes it is enough to step back, take a few deep breaths, say “La hawla,” as our elders used to say, and leave the answer until the next day. Choosing not to respond immediately does not necessarily mean cowardice or indecision. On the contrary, it can be a sign that we are aware of the storm unfolding within us.
Many things look different after some time has passed. An event that made us furious yesterday may not carry the same weight today. A problem that seemed impossible yesterday may look manageable when we approach it with a calmer mind. Sometimes it is not the situation that has changed, but the way we see it.
Perhaps one of life's important lessons is this: The point is not simply to avoid acting without thinking, but to give ourselves the opportunity to think before we act. Calmness does not guarantee that we will always make the right decision, but it reduces the likelihood of making the wrong one. More importantly, it keeps us from becoming prisoners of our own emotions.
It is difficult for a boat to sail safely before the storm has passed. The human mind is much the same. Decisions made while the waves within us are still raging often carry us not where we truly want to go, but wherever our emotions happen to take us at that moment.
Sometimes the wisest thing we can do is simply wait without doing anything. Because tranquility is not merely the absence of noise; it is the place where we can finally hear ourselves again.