TO HEAL THE BODY, BEGIN WITH THE HEART
When we pick up books we read in our youth years later, we are sometimes surprised. The pages are the same, and the sentences have not changed, but we are no longer the same people we were when we first read them. A sentence we barely noticed in our youth may make us stop and think years later. We may now better understand the meaning behind an incident we once considered ordinary. Perhaps books do not change; it is the person reading them who changes and finds new meaning in their words.
In recent years, the steady rise in book prices has led me to return to the classics I read long ago. What began as a choice driven by financial considerations gradually became a pleasure in its own right. Rereading old books is not simply a way to recall what we learned in the past; it also gives us an opportunity to compare our present thoughts with those we held years ago.
One of the books I returned to with this in mind was Balzac's novel The Lily of the Valley. On page 261 of the edition published by İş Bankası Publications, I came across a sentence that caught my attention, and I immediately wrote it down in my notebook of reflections:
“But to heal the body, we must first heal the heart.”
This sentence gave me a great deal to think about. Examples from my own life, from people around me, and from events I had witnessed over the years came to mind. Sometimes we cannot immediately understand why a particular sentence affects us so deeply. Then we realize that it has touched a feeling or thought we have carried inside us for a long time but have never quite been able to put into words.
It is usually not difficult to recognize when our bodies are tired. We become short of breath when climbing stairs, our knees hurt when we walk, or we struggle to sleep comfortably at night. At such times, we visit a doctor, undergo the necessary tests, and begin treatment. We want to understand the cause of our discomfort and regain our health. All of this is natural and necessary.
But not everything that wears us down is physical. Sometimes a resentment we have carried for years, words we have never managed to say, or a loss we have struggled to accept can also drain us. No one may notice what is happening inside someone who appears to be carrying on with life as usual. They go to work, fulfill their responsibilities, talk with others, and even make people laugh. Yet when they are alone, the thoughts that trouble them return.
Consider an hurtful remark made by a friend years ago. Perhaps we remained silent that day because we did not want an argument or damage to our relationship. Perhaps we believed that explaining ourselves would change nothing. Time passed, we continued seeing each other, and we gradually forgot the details of the incident. Yet when we encountered a similar situation, the old hurt resurfaced. That was when we realized that forgetting an event is not the same as freeing ourselves from the mark it has left on us.
We go through a similar process when we lose someone close to us. Life goes on; we continue our daily routines and fulfill our responsibilities. After a while, we may think our grief has eased. But a song, an old photograph, or a familiar street can take us back years in an instant. Suddenly, we find ourselves experiencing the emotions of those days all over again. This does not mean we have failed to heal. Some sorrows grow lighter with time but remain part of our life stories. Rather than erasing them completely, we learn to live with them.
At such times, it becomes important to be honest with ourselves. We may suppress our feelings to avoid upsetting others or refuse to admit that we have been hurt because we want to appear strong. Sometimes we even avoid admitting to ourselves that a decision we made in the past was wrong. We want to protect not only the respect others have for us but also the value we place on ourselves. Admitting a mistake, acknowledging that we have been hurt, or recognizing that something is no longer good for us is not always easy.
Yet the truths we hide from ourselves do not disappear simply because we ignore them. We may forget them for a while amid the rush of daily life, or push them to the back of our minds, but they can resurface when we least expect it. That is why one of the first steps toward healing is to turn inward and examine our inner world. We need to try to understand why we become angry, what makes us sad, which of our expectations have gone unmet, and why we find it so difficult to leave certain events behind.
Of course, it would be wrong to assume that every physical ailment has a psychological cause. Pain, sleeplessness, and persistent fatigue may have physical causes, and medical evaluation and treatment should never be neglected. At the same time, emotional distress can affect our sleep, energy levels, and enjoyment of life. Our bodies and minds are not independent of each other. Ignoring one entirely while caring for the other can prevent us from understanding ourselves fully.
So where should we begin if we want to heal our hearts?
There is no simple, quick answer that works for everyone. Each person has different experiences, losses, and problems to cope with. Still, we can begin by asking ourselves a few questions: What is really wearing me down? Which past event am I still carrying with me? Is there something I have wanted to say to someone but never found the courage to express? Am I exhausting myself by trying to change a situation that is no longer within my power to change?
We may not find the answers immediately. Sometimes talking to a trusted friend, putting our thoughts on paper, or finally facing something we have postponed for a long time can bring relief. When our problems become overwhelming or persist for a long time, seeking support from a mental health professional is another important way to take care of ourselves. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it means taking responsibility for our own lives.
Making peace with the past does not mean justifying what happened or forgetting the injustices we suffered. We are not obligated to forgive someone who has harmed us. Sometimes healing means acknowledging that what happened was wrong, setting boundaries to protect ourselves, and refusing to let that experience control the rest of our lives. We cannot always choose what happens to us, but over time, we can redefine the place those experiences occupy in our lives.
As we grow older, we come to appreciate the value of the time we set aside for ourselves. When we are young, we often try to keep up, achieve things, and meet other people's expectations. As the years pass, we begin to realize that we do not have to take part in every race. We do not have to win every argument, explain ourselves to everyone, or be liked by everyone. Sometimes we learn that keeping our distance from a relationship or protecting our peace rather than trying to prove we are right is the more meaningful choice.
This awareness also teaches us to be more understanding toward ourselves. When judging other people's mistakes, we consider their circumstances and try to understand why they acted as they did. Yet we often struggle to extend the same understanding to ourselves. We may spend years condemning ourselves for a mistake we made in the past. But when we judge yesterday's decisions with today's knowledge, we should also take into account the circumstances we faced at the time, our fears, and the options available to us. Understanding ourselves does not mean justifying everything we do. It means being honest enough to recognize our mistakes and compassionate enough to face them.
For this reason, the sentence I encountered in Balzac's novel became more than an ordinary piece of health advice. It reminded me that healing is not simply a matter of overcoming a physical illness. It made me think about how important it is to pay attention to what is happening inside us while also taking care of our bodies.
Perhaps from time to time, we should ask ourselves: Is it only my daily responsibilities and physical efforts that are wearing me down, or am I also carrying burdens inside me that I have never quite been able to name?
Finding the answer may not be easy. But even trying to understand ourselves is an important beginning. After all, it is difficult to lighten a burden without first recognizing what is weighing us down. Expressing our resentments, acknowledging our fears, and allowing ourselves time to process our pain rather than suppressing it may lessen their hold on us.
Ultimately, healing does not mean erasing everything that happened in the past. It means understanding our experiences, learning from them, and realizing that we do not have to spend the rest of our lives in the shadow of what has happened. It means taking care not only of our bodies but also of the resentments, anxieties, and unspoken feelings that have accumulated within us.