YOU CANNOT SAVE OTHERS BY DESTROYING YOURSELF
There are some things in life that we don’t learn when we are young. We learn them as the years go by. One of the things I learned late, but now understand very well, is this:
“If you don’t protect yourself, most people will not do it for you.”
It may be a harsh truth, but that is how life works.
Most people are caught up in their own lives. They have their own work, their own problems, and their own needs. When they ask something of you, they often don’t stop to think about how exhausting it may be for you.
This is not always because they have bad intentions. Everyone is simply trying to keep up with their own life. That is why we cannot hand over responsibility for our own lives to someone else.
For years, I tried to do whatever I could whenever someone needed help. A friend had a problem, and I got involved. A colleague needed help, and I made time for them; I read their articles and books. I reviewed manuscripts for dozens of journals without earning a penny. A relative needed something, and I put my own work aside.
While doing all this, I rarely stopped to ask myself:
“Do I really have the time and energy for this?”
Then, one day, I realized something:
“While I was trying to keep up with everyone else, I couldn’t keep up with myself.”
I kept postponing my own work, putting rest off until later, wasting my weekends, and ignoring some of the warnings my body was giving me.
I kept telling myself:
“Just a little longer. I can handle it.”
But everyone has a limit.
The body has a limit.
Patience has a limit.
And sacrifice needs to have a limit, too.
Because when you constantly neglect yourself, even the good things you do for others can eventually turn into resentment.
Then you start saying things like:
“I’ve done so much for you.”
“I’ve always been there for you.”
“I gave up so much for you.”
At that point, you are no longer simply doing good for others. You have begun keeping score of everything you have done for them.
And I think that is where the real problem begins.
Putting yourself first is not selfishness.
Selfishness means thinking only of yourself. Taking care of yourself means remembering yourself while you are taking care of others.
Of course, you should help your friends. You should be there for your family. You should lend a hand to someone who genuinely needs it.
But you should not constantly sacrifice your health, your sleep, your peace of mind, and your own life in the process.
Because eventually, you may stop being the person who helps others and become the person who needs help yourself.
Think about the safety instructions given on airplanes.
When cabin pressure drops, passengers are told to put on their own oxygen masks first and then help those around them.
At first, that may sound selfish.
But the logic is very simple:
“If you cannot breathe, you cannot help someone else breathe.”
Life is much the same.
If you are not standing firmly on your own feet, you cannot keep someone else standing for very long.
That is why sometimes you need to say, “No.”
“This isn’t a good time.”
“I can’t do that.”
Sometimes you simply need to turn back to your own life without offering a long explanation.
And some people are not used to hearing you say “No.”
You say no, and they try another approach:
“You can do it easily.”
“I only asked you.”
“After all these years of friendship…”
Sometimes these may genuinely be requests.
But if they keep happening, there is another problem:
Someone is taking advantage of your good nature.
We need to remember this:
Everyone has the right to ask something of you.
But you are not obligated to say yes to every request.
Because if you open every door of your life to other people’s needs, eventually there will be no room left for your own.
As the years go by, you begin to understand certain things more clearly:
You cannot please everyone.
You cannot be there for everyone.
You cannot save everyone.
And, in truth, none of these things is your responsibility.
That is why it is worth asking yourself from time to time:
“While I am doing so much for everyone else, what am I doing for myself?”
If the answer makes you uncomfortable, perhaps it is time to stop for a moment and take a look at your own life.
Because the most valuable thing you can give others is not your own exhaustion.
It is the ability to remain strong and steady on your own feet.
Never forget:
“You cannot save anyone by destroying yourself.”
Protect your own breath first.
Then, to the extent that you have the strength, help others breathe.