STANDING ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET
“There is no point leaning on a tree it will eventually wither. And there is no point leaning on a person they will eventually die.”
I first heard this saying years ago from our dear friend Aydın YAKA, and I have used it many times in different settings. A few days ago, I remembered it again and found myself jotting down the following thoughts.
In life, we lean on certain people. Sometimes a friend, sometimes a spouse, sometimes our family, and sometimes someone we believe is strong enough to protect us.
There is nothing wrong with that. Human beings are not meant to live entirely on their own. All of us need a hand, a kind word, or a shoulder to lean on from time to time. But receiving help is one thing; building your entire life on someone else’s shoulder is another.
It is wonderful when someone supports you through a difficult stretch of the road. But if you try to walk the entire journey leaning on that person, sooner or later you may forget the strength in your own legs. Perhaps this is one of the most dangerous forms of dependence in life: relying too heavily on someone else’s strength.
Because the shoulder that is there for you today may not be there tomorrow.
People change.
Relationships change.
Circumstances change.
Sometimes even the person you trust most leaves your life.
And then you are left with one question:
“Can I still walk on my own?”
Over the years, I have learned this: We should never underestimate the support of others, but neither should we surrender our own strength to theirs.
A friend can help you.
But they cannot make your decisions for you.
A teacher can show you the way.
But they cannot walk it for you.
A spouse can support you.
But they cannot live your life for you.
Your children may love you.
But when you grow old, it is not right to place the entire burden of your life on their shoulders.
Because one of our most basic responsibilities as human beings is to be able to carry the weight of our own lives as much as we can.
This is not loneliness.
It is maturity.
A person who stands on their own feet is not ashamed to ask for help. But they know the difference between receiving help and becoming dependent. When they need a helping hand, they reach for it. But they also maintain their own balance so that they do not collapse when the person offering that hand lets go.
I think that is part of what true freedom means.
It does not mean needing no one.
It means not losing yourself even when you need someone.
Sometimes we give people too much power over our lives.
“As long as this person is with me, nothing can go wrong.”
“They will protect me.”
“They will find a way out for me.”
“I cannot do this without them.”
Each of these statements may sound comforting. But each carries a hidden danger. When you make another person the indispensable center of your life, you gradually lose your own center.
Then you become afraid.
Afraid of losing them.
Afraid of being abandoned.
Afraid of being alone.
And because you are afraid, you begin to surrender more of yourself than you should.
That is how dependence begins.
There is another sentence we need to be able to say to ourselves:
“I love you, I trust you, and I value your support. But I also have to learn how to walk without you.”
That sentence does not diminish love.
On the contrary, it frees love from dependence.
As I have grown older, I have come to appreciate more deeply how much certain people have contributed to our lives. Some gave us strength. Some showed us the way. Some reached out and lifted us when we fell.
We should be grateful to them.
But gratitude does not mean surrendering our own will.
While thanking those who have given us a shoulder to lean on, we should also strengthen our own legs.
Because not everyone will walk every road with us.
There will be roads we must travel alone.
There will be decisions we must make by ourselves.
There will be pain that no one else can carry for us.
And in the most difficult moments of life, what keeps us standing is not how many people are beside us, but how much strength we have built within ourselves.
That is why we should teach children not only how to succeed, but also how to stand on their own.
We should give young people not only a good profession, but also the courage to make their own decisions.
And we should remind ourselves that while fearing the loss of other people's love, we must never lose ourselves.
Because a person's real strength is not found in never falling.
It is found in being able to get back up when they do.
Sometimes we need a shoulder.
Sometimes a hand.
Sometimes a friend.
Sometimes love.
All of these make life more beautiful.
But the walking is still ours to do.
You can rest your head on someone’s shoulder; you just cannot place the entire weight of your life on it.
Because to walk a long road, you need not only good companions, but also the strength in your own legs.
And perhaps the greatest form of maturity in life is this:
To love people, to trust them, to accept their support and still be able to stand on your own feet.