FREE FROM EXPECTATIONS, CLOSE TO LIFE
Sometimes I ask myself why I feel more peaceful these days.
The answer is surprisingly simple:
I have stopped expecting so much from people.
I no longer expect everyone to understand me.
I no longer need everyone to agree with me.
I don't expect people to return my kindness in exactly the way I gave it, or to value me as much as I value them.
And strangely enough, the less I expect from people, the more peaceful I become.
Because one of the things that exhausts us most in life is not what people actually do.
It is what we expected them to do.
We create invisible contracts in our minds.
“I did this for you, so you should do this for me.”
“I listened to you, so you should listen to me.”
“I was loyal to you, so you should be loyal to me.”
“I was there for you, so you should be there for me.”
But life doesn't work that way.
People are not obligated to love us the way we love them.
They are not obligated to understand us simply because we understand them.
They are not obligated to give back everything we give.
Sometimes our kindness will be met with indifference.
Our loyalty may be answered with betrayal.
Our love may not be returned.
And yes, sometimes that is deeply unfair.
But if we make our peace dependent on life always being fair, we give other people the power to determine how we feel.
That is too high a price to pay.
There is an old story about a wise man who never seemed to complain about anyone.
One day, someone asked him:
“Why don't you ever complain about people?”
The wise man smiled.
“Because I no longer expect people to behave the way I want them to.”
“But what about people who treat you unfairly?”
“I don't waste my time trying to change them. I ask myself what I can learn from them.”
“Even from people who hurt you?”
The wise man nodded.
“Especially from them. Some people have taught me, by their actions, what kind of person I never want to become.”
There is a profound lesson in that answer.
We cannot always choose what people do to us. But we can choose what their actions teach us.
That is a different kind of freedom.
And perhaps a wiser way to live.
If we want a more peaceful life, we might begin with a few simple rules.
Before you speak, listen.
Most people listen while preparing their response.
Very few listen with the intention of understanding.
Real communication begins when we stop thinking about what we are going to say next and start paying attention to what the other person is actually feeling.
Sometimes a person isn't asking for an answer.
They simply want to be heard.
Before you spend, earn.
It is easy to spend money we don't have.
It is much harder to deal with the consequences afterward.
But this rule is not only about money.
It applies to our time.
Our attention.
Our energy.
Every day, we spend these things without realizing how valuable they are.
Money can be earned again.
Time cannot.
So be careful about where you invest the limited hours of your life.
Before you judge, try to understand.
We see someone's behavior, but we rarely see the whole story behind it.
We don't know why the quiet person has become quiet.
We don't know what wound the angry person is protecting.
We don't know what disappointment the person who walked away is carrying.
Everyone is fighting a battle we may know nothing about.
That doesn't mean we should excuse every harmful behavior.
It simply means we should be slow to judge and willing to understand.
Because understanding is not weakness.
It is wisdom.
Before you give up, try one more time.
Not everything deserves a lifetime of struggle.
Sometimes walking away is the healthiest thing we can do.
But there are also moments when we quit simply because something became difficult.
And sometimes the difference between failure and success is nothing more than the decision to try one more time.
Don't give up on something meaningful merely because the first attempt didn't work.
And perhaps the most important rule of all:
Live before you die.
This sounds obvious.
Yet many of us spend our lives postponing life.
“I'll be happy when I make more money.”
“When the children grow up.”
“When I retire.”
“When things finally get better.”
“Tomorrow, I'll call.”
“Next year, I'll travel.”
“Someday, I'll do what I've always wanted to do.”
And then, almost without noticing, tomorrow becomes yesterday.
Years pass.
People we love grow older.
Opportunities disappear.
And one day we realize that we have spent too much of our lives preparing to live instead of actually living.
Life feels long while we are inside it.
But when we look back, it can seem astonishingly short.
So don't postpone everything that makes life worth living.
If you love someone, tell them.
If you miss someone, call them.
If you have a friend you care about, let them know.
If the morning sun is beautiful, stop for a moment and look at it.
Enjoy your coffee.
Sit with the people you love.
Laugh without checking the time.
Take the photograph.
Make the trip.
Say the words.
Not everything meaningful in life needs to be extraordinary.
Sometimes life is nothing more and nothing less than an ordinary Tuesday made beautiful by the people we share it with.
Perhaps that is what wisdom really means.
Not having more.
Not knowing everything.
Not controlling everyone around us.
But learning to appreciate what we already have.
When we lower our expectations of other people, something unexpected happens.
We set them free.
But even more importantly,
we set ourselves free.
We stop waiting for someone to call.
If we want to call, we call.
We stop waiting for someone to appreciate us.
If we know we are doing the right thing, we do it anyway.
We stop needing everyone to understand us.
We begin to understand ourselves.
We stop demanding that everyone love us.
We simply continue to love.
We continue to be kind.
We continue to be the person we want to be.
Because peace is not determined entirely by how other people treat us.
It is shaped by how we choose to look at our lives.
Life is short.
So love your life.
Keep smiling.
Expect less from people, but never expect less from your own character.
Before you speak, listen.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you judge, understand.
Before you give up, try one more time.
And above all:
Live before you die.
Because when life is over, what matters will not be the size of our house, the amount of money in our account, the number of titles we held, or the things we managed to accumulate.
What will remain is something much simpler:
How we lived.
Whom we loved.
Whose lives we touched.
And perhaps most importantly,
what kind of person we became along the way.