BEFORE YOU JUDGE OTHERS, CHECK YOUR OWN SCALE
We often have little trouble noticing other people’s mistakes. But when it comes to our own, we may not be nearly as honest or clear-eyed. When we feel we have been treated unfairly, we are quick to object, stand up for our rights, and blame the other person. What we don’t always think to do is turn the question around and ask ourselves whether we might have made a mistake, too.
In a small town, a farmer used to sell butter to the local baker every morning. In return, the baker gave him a one-pound loaf of bread. Their arrangement continued for a long time, until one day the baker decided to weigh the butter he was buying.
When he discovered that it weighed less than a pound, he became furious. Convinced that the farmer had cheated him, he took him to court.
The judge turned to the farmer and asked, “Do you use standard weights to measure the butter you sell?”
The farmer replied, looking a little embarrassed, “Your Honor, I’m a poor man. I don’t have special weighing equipment or standard weights. But I do have a simple balance scale.”
The judge looked surprised.
“Then how do you know the butter weighs a pound?”
The farmer explained, “Your Honor, I buy a one-pound loaf of bread from this baker every morning. I put the bread on one side of the scale and place enough butter on the other side to balance it. In other words, I use the bread he gives me as my measure. If the butter weighs less than a pound, perhaps we should first check the weight of the bread.”
The baker had no answer.
That is where the story ends. But its message goes far beyond the business dealings of a baker and a farmer.
We encounter similar situations in everyday life. We get upset when a friend breaks a promise, yet rarely stop to consider how well we keep our own. We criticize a manager for treating employees unfairly, but when we are given the same authority, we don’t always ask ourselves whether we would act any differently. We expect others to be honest, yet when our own interests are at stake, we sometimes see no harm in giving ourselves a few special privileges.
One reason for this is that we tend to be more understanding of our own mistakes. Whenever we do something wrong, we usually have an explanation. We are tired, the circumstances aren’t right, or we feel we had no other choice. But when someone else makes the same mistake, we are less willing to hear their excuses. We explain our own behavior by pointing to the circumstances, while we judge others by their character. In doing so, we deny others the same understanding we readily give ourselves.
Of course, both sides are not equally at fault in every disagreement. Sometimes a person really has been treated unfairly; sometimes the responsibility lies entirely with one side. Justice does not mean blaming everyone equally. It means looking carefully at what each person did, the circumstances in which they acted, and how much responsibility they bear.
Still, this story reminds us of something important: Before judging others, we should ask ourselves whether we hold them to the same standards we apply to ourselves.
Honesty is not simply about avoiding getting caught or looking good in other people’s eyes. It is about doing what we believe is right even when no one is watching. Justice, too, is not only about what we expect from others, but also about what we are willing to accept from ourselves.
Sometimes, all we need to do is pause and ask ourselves a few questions: Do I practice what I expect from others? When I do something I criticize in someone else, do I judge myself by the same standards? If I react strongly when someone treats me unfairly, am I equally willing to acknowledge it when I treat someone else unfairly?
The answers may not always be comfortable. But growing as a person requires us to face our own mistakes and find the courage to admit them.
Before looking for shortcomings on someone else’s side of the scale, we should check whether our own scale is weighing things fairly. After all, justice begins with being honest with ourselves.