A sincere apology has a healing power. If we have hurt someone with our actions and caused them harm, the best course of action for healthy human relationships is to apologize. We must remember that a heartfelt apology can help resolve the issue at hand and contribute to more effective relationships in the future. However, unfortunately, we can argue that apologizing is not a very common behavior in most societies. There is a widespread belief that people who apologize are “weak.” We often fall into the trap of thinking that by apologizing, we are compromising ourselves and will be perceived as weak. Yet, the habit of apologizing is actually a trait of strong personalities. When we decide to apologize to someone, the best approach is to approach them directly and disclose ourselves to them. It is wise to find a quiet and peaceful place where we won’t be disturbed, and take responsibility for the behavior that requires an apology. Often, we see people making mistakes while apologizing to each other. Apologizing is not something that should be brushed off lightly. There are certain points to be mindful of and apply during the process of apologizing. The characteristics of an effective apology are: (1) acknowledgment, (2) taking responsibility, (3) providing an explanation, and (4) offering to make amends.
In the process of apologizing, we must first acknowledge that we have hurt, upset, or caused harm to the person we are apologizing to. We should express this with statements like, “I realize that I hurt you when I did that or said those words,” “I see that I unintentionally upset you,” or “I understand that I caused you harm by acting that way.” The aim of this step is to help calm and soothe the person who is understandably angry with us. Ending the apology process here, however, is insufficient. Secondly, we must take responsibility for the negative situation at hand. A statement like, "I know that you were hurt when I said/did that" is a way of acknowledging your responsibility. By accepting responsibility in any situation, you are essentially conveying to those around you that you are "willing to accept any consequence" In this context, by taking responsibility, you are sending the message "I am the one who caused the strain in our relationship" thereby expressing a desire to restore the relationship to its previous state.
People don’t make all their mistakes with bad intentions. Sometimes, due to circumstances beyond our control, we might behave inappropriately or say something that goes beyond our intended meaning. For this reason, in the third stage of apologizing, we should offer an "explanation." An example of an explanation might be: “When I said/did that, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I only wanted to say/do….” A statement like this emphasizes that you were not acting with ill intent and did not wish to put the other person in a difficult situation. It proves that you were not making a calculated attack against them.
Finally, the process moves to the "compensation" stage. Here, phrases like, “I will never act this way again/you will never hear such words from me again/what can I do to make it up to you?” are appropriate. Offering to make amends shows that you don’t want to lose the other person, that you want to restore the friendship as it once was, and that you wish to make reparations for any harm caused.